What Taylor Swift And Her Mom Taught Me

One of the biggest lessons I've ever learned was from Taylor Swift and her mom, Andrea. It's really coming into play in my life right now.

The first time Taylor came over to write with my husband and me, she was fifteen. Our nanny Kimberly came out to the studio and said, "Your co-writers here." When we walked outside, Taylor was knelt down and talking to our three-year-old son Oscar. He had just gotten out of the pool and was shivering and super animated, telling her something about his favorite show, Blue's Clues. Taylor nodded like she understood exactly what he was talking about.

Hi, I'm Taylor, She said. She was all knees and elbows, magical and awkward. And when she came in for a hug, it was one of those all-in, hell yeah kind of hugs.

She followed us out to the studio and sat down at the round tile table where we always write. Oscar marched in right behind us and stood there in his Toy Story underwear and Uggs insisting he had to tell me a "see-cwet." He cupped his little hands to my ear, his golden curls were still dripping water, and his nose was cold on my cheek. "When me grow up, me wanna work with that girl," he said. Then he nodded his head like yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. Taylor and I both burst out laughing because he hadn't learned to whisper yet.

Writing with teenagers is usually a shit show - sitting in a room, staring at a 10th grader who has absolutely no idea who they are as an artist or what they want to say.

But from the get-go, this was different.

For some reason, I remember that day with more clarity than I do last week. I even remember the song title that I pitched her… "Cloud 999."

"I've got something I've been working on," Taylor said. She unbuckled her guitar case and started strumming away.

I was immediately impressed because most of the female country stars we had written with didn't play guitar.

But when Taylor started singing, I think my mouth fell open. Her lyrics were flat-out freaking crazy and 100% true.

She was talking about leaning up against this boy's car, and how it rolled down the street and ran over his foot, and they watched that movie Carrie, and he said it reminded him of her, and about how he paid a homeless guy to sing a song…

Oh my Lord, I love her.

It was so catchy when she hit the chorus-- her melodies were addictive even back then.

I still love the song we wrote that day, "Till Brad Pitt Comes Along." It's bananas in a beautiful way. My 13-year-old, Lola, found it on YouTube. She knows all the words.

Taylor reminded me of me at that age. She is the only person I've ever met that has the same weapons-grade love of words that I do. Wonderstruck,… Silverkiss, Stardrunk. We were both obsessed with journals, stationery, velvet pillows, moss-covered rabbits, and design. And we both had a number thing— her's is 13 - and mine is 11. I got married on 11-11, and all the major events in my life usually revolve around 11.

Taylor loved our house - the flowers on the walls, the quotes, the Tibetan clouds, and the pink lotus painted everywhere. She especially loved the words - Breathe Believe - Receive -painted in our writing room.

We had a similar poetic outlook on the world, and even though she was born the year I graduated high school, we were fast friends.

I don't know if it's embarrassing or heroic, but I was working on my book, "Talking to the Sky," before Taylor Swift was famous. She encouraged me, and I encouraged her.

Andrea, (her mom) always came to pick her up, and we stood in the driveway and talked and talked and talked. Her mom was so supportive and such a guiding force in her life. They were so close it was hard not to envy their relationship.

In my mind, one day always stands out. We were standing in the driveway talking, and Andrea said Taylor had decided to walk away from Sony Records, the biggest record label in town. Nashville's most powerful record executive told Taylor he would keep her on the roster, but she couldn't record her own songs. Meaning, she would have to sing songs by other writers that the label selected—most of them written by men in their forties and fifties. The label told her that's the way they always did it.

I remember Andrea saying, "this will never work if Taylor doesn't write her songs."

Chris and I couldn't believe it. We had never seen an artist walk away from a major record deal. At the same time, we had never heard of a 15-year-old writing a hit song. The whole thing was tripping me out. But I loved how bold it was, and I believed in Taylor even though, at that time, no one knew what was going to happen. What I was fascinated by most was how she and her mom followed their instincts and focused on the future that they envisioned. They didn't get caught up in the fear that Taylor didn't have a record deal. They didn't listen to the label when they said the songs weren't hits.

So here I am at the same kind of crossroads. After working on my memoir Talking to the Sky for a third of my life, I self-published it on Amazon during Covid. I couldn't wait anymore. I had to let it go. It's selling great online, and I'm having meetings in LA with movie people who love it. But without a publisher, it's almost impossible to get it in stores. Parnassus carries it in the "local section," but half the time, it's sold out or hidden somewhere no one can find it.

I can't even go in book stores anymore without tearing up because it just hurts too much to not see it on the shelf after everything I put into it.

I've got friends with books on the bestsellers table that they didn't even write.

But now, the thing I prayed for for over a decade is happening. The two biggest book publishers on the planet love my memoir and want to make a deal. The only problem is they say I have to stop selling the book on Amazon and take it and the audiobook down for 9 to 12 months.

My heart won't let me do it. Everything inside me is saying no.

I've asked and argued, but the only reason they can give me is that's the way they always do it. So here I am, remembering that day in the driveway. I have absolutely no idea what's going to happen, and it scares me to death. But I'm trusting my gut and walking away.